The following post is the second article I wrote for Sophie Winters, the relationship guru who is helping women find their Cha Cha and pushing them to be their best whether they are flying solo or attached. Hope you like it and check out Sophie’s website at http://www.thechachaclub.com/ or read her new book “It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart” http://www.amazon.com/Sophie-Winters/e/B009VEVSNY.
Moving in together is a big step in any relationship, and sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the romanticized version of it. What you think it’s going to be like, and what it actually is, are two completely different things as my boyfriend and I recently found out. Here are a few of my realities……
Reality #1: The timing is different for every relationship. It might even be never.
Don’t let people bully you into thinking you have to move in together after a certain amount of time. Hell, maybe the two of you love your independence and decide that living together just isn’t for you. Your relationship is its own entity so don’t get caught up in comparing it to what everyone else seems to be doing.
My boyfriend and I decided it would work for us after being together 2 years. I got a lot of “Well, it’s about time” from different people, as though we were falling behind some schedule neither one of us agreed to follow. Every couple moves at their own pace whether it’s lightning speed or at a crawl.
Reality #2: You both have way more crap than you think you do
I never realize how much stuff I have until I move. Stuff I haven’t even looked at since the last time I moved. Well guess what? Your significant other has at least as much crap as you do and you have to find a place for all of it. My boyfriend and I moved everything we owned without putting much thought into it. We ended up with three beds in a two bedroom apartment. A little planning beforehand would have saved us a lot of trouble. Decide before moving day what stays and what goes.
Reality #3 Men are hoarders
Men like to keep everything they ever bought (or found) because one day, those snowboard boots that are one size too small with the ripped sole, might come in handy. Ditto for the t-shirts that haven’t fit for 10 years. One lady I talked to said her husband wanted to keep their broken microwave because he might be able to use it for parts. Be prepared to feel frustrated and practice your negotiating skills to help detach him from some of his more useless stuff.
Reality #4 So are women
Ladies you know it’s true. Why else would our bathrooms look like the MAC beauty counter just vomited all over? Your illogical attachment to those 4 bottles of hairspray that you keep “just in case” one day, you might decide to do your hair, is proof. And don’t even get me started on the clothes in your closet, never worn, with the price tag still on. We all do it. Patience on both sides goes a long way. If he’s clearing out stuff then so should you.
Reality #5 Kiss your privacy goodbye
Got the farts from the Indian food you ate last night? Have a bad day and all you want to do is lay on the couch watching Netflix and consume a mega bag of Doritos? Once you live together, all of those things will happen while your guy is less than 5 feet away. Be prepared for the honeymoon stage to be over. Fast.
Living together, you will see each other at your worst. Work out a deal. If one of you needs alone time, make it happen, then return the favor. Don’t take it personal, we all need to recharge every once in a while.
Reality #6 Give each other time to adjust
This is a big one. Merging your lives is an important and life-changing event and, just like everything else, you’re going to have good days and bad days. You both might be a little stressed out after the initial shock wears off and the reality sinks in. Totally normal. You’ve just uprooted your life and so has he. Both of you need time to adjust and figure out what the new daily routine is.
All of the realities aside, it’s awesome living together. Coming home to somebody, or knowing they’re coming home to you, is a great feeling. Even though my boyfriend works away for long periods of time, I have little reminders of him all over the apartment and it makes me feel close to him. If you discussed it with your partner, and you both are willing to try it and make a bigger commitment to the relationship, then I would suggest taking the plunge. It’s nice to have someone to share the Doritos with.
Do you have a story about moving in with your significant other? Good or bad I would love to hear it. Especially bad. Those are always the most entertaining.