Evolution of the Modern Male

Male evolution

Men.  Women have been trying for centuries to understand them.  We spend countless hours picking apart past conversations we’ve had with them (recent and not so recent), trying to figure out what he really meant when he said what he did.  Our female minds wander and wonder incessantly about what is really going on behind that demure facade he shows on the outside.  If he’s quiet, we worry.  If he doesn’t react the way we think he should react, we worry.  If he says something we weren’t expecting, we worry.  If he doesn’t say something we were expecting him to say, we worry.  I truly think it’s imprinted in our genes to feel this way towards our sweaty, burly, counterpart.

This isn’t to say all women are like this.  Some are stable and completely level-headed, although I have never met one of these women, and I think they can be compared to unicorns or possibly leprechauns.  Women just can’t help it.  Blame it on our emotions, or our strongly developed sensitive sides, but being emotional is our claim to fame.  I once told my boyfriend that if he could see into a woman’s mind for just 5 minutes I would probably find him curled up in a corner crying and rocking back and forth.  He laughed but I know I saw a flash of terror  in his eyes.

Why do we spend all this time and energy trying to figure men out?  Is it really necessary?  Is there really something deep and meaningful going on behind that intense and pensive stare?  The truth is, most likely not.  I hate to break it to you ladies but men just aren’t the same as us.  They don’t sit and ponder over a conversation they had with us 2 weeks ago and wonder why we said A instead of B.  Whatever is happening in a man’s life right at that moment is the most important thing.

Now, I’m not saying that guys don’t think about stuff, because they definitely do.  The difference is they don’t DWELL on things the way women do, and this is their evolutionary adaptation.  It allows us to coexist with them.  Imagine if men worried as often and about the same things we did?  What a disaster that would be.  Couples would be fighting about a forgotten Valentine’s Day dinner from 1995 AND a forgotten oil change in the car from 2001.  Any chance for romance would die a slow and horrible death.

So why don’t men over think things the way women do?  It all goes back to our hunter/gatherer roots.  Women looked after the home, watched over children, tended to gardens, and kept the community in general order.  Multitasking was required or else your children would get eaten by a saber-tooth tiger and then what would the neighbors think?

Men had one task: find food.  If they didn’t find food, then they weren’t men. Their wife (or wives) would leave them for a more testosterone-filled specimen and the shunned one would be left to fend for himself.  This might initially sound cool in a Chuck Norris-lone-wolf sort of way, but the first time a Woolly Mammoth comes charging out of the forest in his direction, that lone wolf is going to be howling for his mommy.

Men had to focus completely on the task they had right at that moment, and give it all their attention in order to be successful.  You can still see the remnants of this today.  Ladies, ever tried to ask your guy a question while he’s watching TV and be left feeling like you’re talking to yourself?  Well, you are.  The house could be burning down around him and until you break the trance he’s in with the TV, he’s not going to notice.  Men need to focus on one thing at a time and we as women should embrace this quality, instead of letting it infuriate us.

Why you ask?  Why should we ever be thankful that while cooking dinner our guy has to focus on one tomato for 20 minutes just to get it sliced properly?  Because this male trait allows them to live their lives with beautiful goddesses who want to jump their bones one minute, and cry their eyes out after having a flash back of how fat they looked at last year’s Christmas party the next.  Men live in the moment and focus on the things they can control right now.  They let us have our breakdowns, they deal with it, and they move on.  Case closed.  And while I know women will never be like this (after all, we are hard-wired to be who we are), sometimes it’s ok to act like a man and just let things go.  After all, this evolutionary trait of the modern male has stuck around for a reason.  Maybe they’re on to something.

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